Gingerbread
The magnificent gingerbread person bake-off judging took place at midnight on Saturday 4th April 2020. Tim P (chief judge and competition designer) said in his closing comments:
“Hearty congratulations to all the competitors of this, the inaugural challenge. A very high standard of entertainment was provided by many, also some surprise entries by hitherto unknown dark horses amongst the ranks. There was some inspired culinary skill mentioned, and in one corner of one kitchen, actually demonstrated.
I have spent an emotionally rewarding time sifting out the wheat from the chaff, the flour from the back of an untouched realm and learning much about you all in the process. It doesn't matter, your secrets are safe with me and the environmental health department. And now the bit you've all been waiting for - yes, the trailers. So if you can sit back, finish your conversations and leave your phones on ... here we go. So, to the prize giving ceremony (remembering the rule about there being no prizes).
Following a very difficult choice between many excellent entries, (the judges always say that) ... and finding it impossible to separate the runners up for sheer value, I have awarded the non-prizes thus(in no particular order) :-
The Tom Baker award ......to the best original Dr.Who.
The Colin Baker prize......to the other Baker.
The Richard Baker trophy......to Amanda Thomas, for imaginative use of fashion under and outerwear for gingerbread choir people.
The Danny Baker vase...... also to Amanda Thomas for the sexiest vocal version of Nellie the Elephant.
The Stanley Baker cup......to Pamela Bordiss, for entering her delivery man.
The "Gin"ger Baker platter......to Jan Irving, for accurate character portrayal, an almost bribe, and a fun interpretation of the old grammar school and coming second in the online gin drinking challenge.
The Cheryl Baker earring......to Sue Peet, for the celebration of Jazz and a leg-end, (if that's how big shoes are referred to ...).
The Kenny Baker hologram......to Howard and Julia Unna, for perfectly mown grass and a sweet tooth and drug habit to die for.
The Joe Don Baker tie-pin......to Kate Hill, for a uniform, traditional bake and apparent consistency between individual singers (that's a first for us lot...).
Highly commended......to Gill Guest, for the quantity of gingerbread people, attention to detail, inclusion of Esther, a stained glass window and sheer, mind boggling consumption of gin.
Which leaves after an imaginary, interminally long pregnant pause, our top 3 ..........................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................
Bronze goes to To Jolene Baldock, for the biggest gingerbread person, the most perfect artistic classical decoration (between baroque and romantic), and an entry which stood out due to its difference but with a related thematic interpretation
Silver goes to Esther (and Rosie) Dooley, for sheer exuberance, with its outdoor Spring feel, independant thinking, thorough research of the subject matter, foresight to have all ingredients prepared and ready, the youngest assistant (well done Rosie - that's you), and the best matching pair of Moomins (no smutty comments), and for being bold enough to be the first entrant to post their result to me.
And what can I say? The person I least expected to be a master baker, with rumours of shattered product on the floor, lack of ingredients,use of self-raising flour, self-deprecating, knowledge of E.U. gingerbread contract law, nobbling of other contestants by attempting online drinking with the bass section on the night before G-day, and yet turning out the product that made me laugh out loud with its use of back projection, 3d layering, cashew nut smiles, glitter and a very noticeable male bulge in one of the "girls" bikini bottoms .... and the most amateur but honest attempt to participate.... Our winner of the first Harborough Singers' (lockdown) baking competition .... Mr. Timothy Blades 🏆 Well done, everybody.
Amid a torrent (in Summer) of tears, Mister Blades choked out his acceptance speech…
“Well..... I’m lost for ...... I’d like to thank the Academy for this great honour.... all the people who voted for me, my wife and family who have always been an inspiration.....it’s a dream come true... if I had a parrot it would be over the moon..... there were times when I thought that this would all end up on the cutting room floor. Of course I was working with a great team, what you have seen is just the culmination of a years of hard work.....if you had told me when I was aged 6 that I would be receiving this great honour now I would never have believed you.... I’d like to thank Lidl for making it all possible and Portland cement for their sponsorship of the doorstops. When I was looking for inspiration Aldi was there for me..... I’d like to thank my fellow basses who gave me the support and encouragement to go on when the future was looking bleak. It’s been a journey that I have made my own. Thank you and goodnight.”